“I don’t think there is a specific mindset to be happy.” Our interview with Stan Carrey

As a personal development coach and sophrology specialist, your mission is to help others be happy. How did you find out that this was your future and your life path?

Indeed, my mission is to help people who want to solve their problems, overcome their blockages and achieve their goals, so they can be happier. Since I was a teenager, I loved helping my friends find solutions to their problems and put strategies in place for them to move forward. It’s something that I naturally enjoy doing.

When I was twenty-two, I discovered the profession of personal development coach. As soon as I finished training in coaching, I opened my first website and started to support people in solving their problems.

Today, I do it in different forms: coaching consultations, I write books, I organize spiritual retreats and I create coaching videos. As long as I enjoy it, I will keep doing it.

What is your vision of the world ? Do you think things will change from now on? Do you think that current events will involve the lives and choices of people in the future?

I think every action, even insignificant, has repercussions. But we are not all sensitive in the same way to what is happening around us. A health crisis can trigger an ecological level in some people, it can lead others to get to know each other better and reconnect with their passions, just as it can leave a part of the population indifferent.

One thing is certain, the confinement of the coronavirus has led many people to initiate positive changes in their lives: to take time for themselves, to end toxic relationships, or to question who they really are.

Sometimes we can be careless with ourselves. What are the worst things people can do for themselves?

Sometimes we just neglect ourselves: we procrastinate and don’t listen to our needs. But if it was only that… Many times we are the architects of our own suffering. We maintain ourselves in toxic relationships, we convince ourselves to give up listening to the call of our heart. We create our own prison.

In my opinion, the worst thing we can do for ourselves is to live by guilt, to force ourselves to live a life that does not suit us because we feel guilty for following what inspires us. We then feel like dead from within, giving up our own happiness because we believe that is what is good. The worst part is that guilt doesn’t get anywhere. Its only purpose is death or the realization that listening to our needs is not “bad”.

You are always very motivated and ready to face life and its challenges. When you are less motivated, how do you give a boost to your life?

I am not always motivated. Life challenges me and I have to face it, even when I suffer and feel drained of energy.

Here is a small list of things that allow me to find positive energy:

• Act and make decisions that are in keeping with my well-being and my freedom
• Practice JAPA meditation and train my mind to think positively
• See my loved ones and spend time with them
• Work and conduct coaching consultations. I love doing this, and I’m always in the moment during a coaching consultation
• Travel and discover beautiful beaches and new people.

How can coaching help us find direction in life?

In my opinion, there are two forms of coaching: support in solving a problem and step-by-step support in achieving a targeted objective. Some people want to have someone who holds their hand and walks by their side on the path to personal fulfillment.

Others are simply looking for someone who will help them on a timely and brief basis to solve a problem that is difficult to solve.

Is it possible to work on our state of mind so that we can reach our goals?

Yes, of course. It is possible to act on our mind and it is even very important to do so in my opinion. If you don’t control your thoughts, others may control them for you.

You can work on your state of mind in many different ways:

• Practice JAPA meditation and positive affirmations
• Solve the problems of your daily life, find them definitive solutions
• Surround yourself with positive and inspiring people
• Read and listen to videos of people who pull you up
• Travel and discover new places and new people

As a specialist in sophrology, how can this relaxation technique have a positive impact on our daily life and our well-being?

In reality, sophrology is much more than a simple relaxation technique. It is a method of personal development that brings many benefits. It can help a person to overcome their trauma, to alleviate their anxieties, anger and sadness, to know themselves better, to develop their capacities and to regain control of their spirit.

When treating a person using the practice of sophrology, what are the immediate benefits to which they refer? What are the issues that prompt them to ask for your help?

The immediate benefits depend on the person doing it and their needs. Because depending on the person’s problem, I will offer them different sophrology techniques.In general, the first benefits are a reconnection to our body; we discover the richness of its multiple sensations and their depth.

We can also regain confidence in ourselves and in our abilities, feel and know that we are capable of accomplishing great things, and gain control of our suffering.

The people who consult me, whether in coaching or sophrology, generally have these types of requests:

• They are in a toxic relationship and are looking for help to understand and/or get out of it
• They wish to have my help to overcome an emotion of recurring suffering (guilt, anxiety, anger or sadness)
• They face a personal problem or feel blocked at a stage in their life and seek help to move forward.

What is the necessary mindset that we need to have, so that we can be happy and help others to be happy?

I don’t think there is a specific mindset to be happy. I think everyone can find their way to be happy. If some authors or coaches offer solutions that are supposed to make you happier, I encourage you to try them and see what it has to offer: are you more or less happy after applying them? Your life experience is the most important thing.

However, getting away from toxic people, having a decent professional activity, listening to and meeting your needs, alternating between alone and accompanied moments and taking care of your body can help you find a basic balance, but that does not not all.

We have a challenge question for you. If a 40 year old woman explained to you that she was in a toxic relationship and did not know what to do, what would you say? What would be your approach?

My approach depends on what the person wants to receive from me. My goal is to help someone move in the direction they want to move. I will question the person to find out what they want from me: does they want to determine why and how their spouse’s behavior is detrimental to their well-being?

If he can “change”? Is she looking for help to leave him and end the harassment? Does she want to overcome a suffering that prevents her from ending the toxic relationship such as guilt or fear of loneliness? Then my goal will be to identify precisely the problem that this person is facing and the cause of suffering.

Then, depending on the case, I could help her find different types of solutions:

• A new understanding of his situation to see more clearly and unblock
• A strategy to apply to achieve your goals step by step
• Training through sophrology to overcome feelings of suffering that would persist despite a new understanding of her situation

In conclusion, I would say that to live happily, it is sometimes necessary to make changes in oneself but also changes in our external living environment. You have to find the balance between “fight-mode” and adaptability.